Captain Planet's gone mad!
by Neogami
Summary: Captain Planet is being driven crazy by the planeteers and their stupid requests. R&R, please! Please be cool, this is my first fic. oneshot. Rated T for loads of cusswords.


Hi, This is my first fanfic. I just _know_ I'm going to get flamed so bad on this...but I'm only going to make one chapter.

But, seriously, this is a Captain Planet _spoof._ I absolutely hate the show and all of it's characters. I think it is very annoying and retarded. Thank you for taking your time out of the day to read my crap. If you don't like it, flame. They kinda help, too.

I don't own Captain Planet or any of it's characters. If I did I would totally kill every single one of the characters because they are all stupid.

"EARTH!" "FIRE!" "WIND!" "WATER!" "HEART!" "Wait a minute...what the heck does heart have to do with the planet?" asked Kwame. "How the hell should I know? I'm just some indian kid!" exclaimed Ma-Ti. "Whatever just do your planeteer thingy!" Linka said, getting agitated. "Okay, fine.." Kwame and Ma-Ti said in unison. They all do that retarded planet power thing and Captain Planet pops out of the glow. "By your powers combined, I am--Okay, I am officially fed-up with this gay line!" said Captain Planet, looking a little pissed. "Why don't you change it? None of us are stopping you." Said Gi. "Why don't you just shut up! WHO THE HELL NAMES THEIR KID GI?" Captain Planet yelled at Gi. "MY PARENTS!" she screeched back. "Stop, guys! We need to get down to business!" exclaimed Wheeler trying to stop the fight. "You're right...so, why did you call me? There doesn't seem to be any problems here.." said Captain Planet. "There is a cat stuck in a tree." said Ma-Ti, pointing at a siamese cat in a tree, meowing for help. "YOU CALLED ME FROM A GOOD NIGHTS SLEEP FOR A _FUCKING CAT_?" Captain Planet screams at them. Then he flies up to the cat, breaks it in half and throws it at the indian, causing Ma-Ti to fall over with the cat in his lap. "IF YOU GUYS EVER CALL ME FROM SLEEPING FOR SOMETHING AS STUPID AS THIS I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!" The he dissapears, his face red as a tomato. Linka fell to the ground, looking at the broken in half siamese cat. "Poor kitty...why did Captain Planet do that to such a poor, defenseless innocent creature?" She said, tears rolling down her cheeks.

Wheeler was just sitting there, laughing his ass off. "Oh, well. Hey, let's go recycle!" said Ma-Ti, cheerfully throwing the cat behind him.

"Hee hee that was pretty funny! He just broke it in half!" Wheeler laughed. Gi glared at him. "Wheeler, how can you be so heartless? It was just a little kitty!" She said angrily as she picked up trash off of the ground. "Oh, yes! Kitties are vewry impohrtant toh ouwr invironmehnt." said Wheeler, mocking Gi's accent. "Knock it off, you two!" Linka exclaimed, getting extremely agitated at those two bickering. Just then a potato flew right by Linka's head, and another, and another, and another! "Look!" Kwame exclaimed, "It's hoggish greedly!" he pointed at the fatass throwing potatoes at Linka. "Ha, ha, ha! You planeteers _suck!_" The piglike monster said, picking up the potatoes with his obese hands and launching them at the planeteers. "Oh! ow! STOP IT!" said Ma-Ti trying to block the potatoes with his hands. "I--ow! Think we need to--OW! get Captai--QUIT! Captain Planet!" Linka said, getting hit in the face with potatoes. "EARTH!" "FIRE!" "WIND!" "WATER!" "HEART! Ow, quit it!" The planeteers did the planet power thingy and Captain Planet popped out of the light again, only without the stupid Captain Planet line. "When you combine your powers you get a cool blue dude with green hair who protects the planet from--OW! Who the hell did that?" He exclaimed, pissed-off. All the planeteers pointed at the fatass throwing potatoes everywhere. "You suck, too! Captain FAGGOT!" " I am _NOT_ a bundle of sticks!" Captain Planet screamed, insulted because someone called him a bundle of sticks. Then he took a giant ceramic pizza off of the pizza parlor and rammed it on his face, "EAT _THAT,_ YOU FATASS!" His eyes were bloodshot and his face was like a giant tomato...the green hair not making it look any less different than a giant, bloodshot-eyed, tomato.

"I AM GOING TO KILL YOU GUYS!" he screamed. Then he launched at them, Gi first, and started ripping their body parts off, and killing them. "MY BALLS!" Wheeler yelled in pain after Captain Planet had taken the liberty of castrating him. He wore an insane grin on his face. He stomped on Wheeler's head, squashing it like a melon, to shut him up. "Thank fucking god...I thought they would _never_ die!" said Gaia, with a psycotic grin on her face. "NAR HAR!" was all Captain Planet said after he had killed all of the planeteers. He has an insane grin on his face. Gaia was freaked out so she left him standing there, Wheeler's balls still in his hand.

PLEASE READ:

I'm going to end this story here. please review my fic. If you're going to flame me, make it funny.

Well, this was my first fanfic, I hope you like it! And if not...well, I've already told you.

Live long, and prosper, Neogami.


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